SOFT GOALS

Resolutions, Vows and Promises III                                                                                  

 "Soft" Goals

      A Google search for "goal-setting" videos yields over five million entries, some of which are valid, core research from the original personal growth/success research pioneer Napoleon Hill, second-generation "philosophy of success" researchers such as Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar and Denis Waitley, and everybody else from Tony Robbins forward who's reinterpreted, repackaged and remarketed the basic message.

       However, goal-setting is only a created nominalization and not the exclusive reason for personal success.  Paul J. Meyer, business trainer and alleged "father of personal development" added to the concept the popular acronym "S.M.A.R.T." which means that goals should be "specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and tangible."  However, this acronym applies mainly to tangible business goals and not to more subtle, internal character shifts and attitude adjustments which involve a wholly, non-quantifiable different set of descriptors.

     "Soft" goals are goals that are not S.M.A.R.T. but which are less defined, less crystallized because they are actually features of personality that can be described only in terms of quality.  Only through one's sense of subjective reality, through reflection and contemplation, can one  determine if they've really improved who they are on a character level; i.e., become more virtuous, as in "more patient, more flexible, more open-minded," etc.

           

     A "soft" goal may be to become less hypercritical, less self-judgmental or less malcontent and complaining.  Soft goals are felt via internal feelings, and are not necessarily evidenced by observations of visible measurement.  Soft goals cannot be "managed" and therefore cannot be measured but instead are the progressive fulfillment of gradual attitude and behavior changes that are reinforced by self-talk, creative visualization and strong emotional anchors.  Top salespersons have known this pre-approach trick for decades, of mentally practicing the night before a sales presentation meeting certain behaviors, in what Napoleon Hill referred to as the "dress rehearsal theatre" of the mind.

            

     If traditional measurement and tracking tactics do not apply, how exactly then does one make progress with soft goals?  After being admonished by a friend for his personality flaws, Benjamin Franklin set to improve himself by consciously focusing on specific qualities. He sought to improve by keeping thirteen virtues in mind, meditating daily, for several weeks, on each one, in sequence, until he witnessed proof of changed behavior.  

            

     Thanks to the ground-breaking work of Maxwell Maltz, the "father of self-image psychology," we now know that one's verbally affirming new behavior for at least twenty-one days implants new "truth" messages in the subconscious which then play back as reformed behavior.  This is why most smoking cessation or weight-loss programs stress the 30-day principle.  Recovery and reformation happens.

           

         Franklin created a self-improvement "meetup" group called the Leather Apron Club which met in homes or taverns where he and his mates imbibed alcohol and smoked mother nature. Therefore, it's no wonder that the first virtue on his list of thirteen virtues to develop  was "temperance."

            

           “Virtue” sometimes has soft, effeminate connotations. Originally, the word “virtue” was connected to what's meant to be a real man. The word comes from the Latin virtus, which is derived from vir, Latin for “manliness."

            If you seek to become more virtuous, first consider observing positive role models.  It's hard to believe in something that's not first witnessed in another who serves as positive example.  Secondly, ask someone close to you whose opinion you respect and trust for an honest evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses or join a mutually evaluative society such as Toastmasters International, an organization famous for personal growth education and training and which has globally produced many leaders for over ninety years.

         "DiSC," a famous management self-analysis training tool, founded on the work of William Moulton Marsten, scientifically assesses personal strengths and weaknesses and has helped tens of millions to improve their interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.  It's available under the "Resources" tab at www.FrankDominicis.com. Lastly, commit to the meditation practice that Ben Franklin did to change himself, which surely contributed to his global popularity in many different settings in Europe and the a new country called America.

          To summarize, when setting new goals, just remember to include both hard and soft goals.  Remember that "resolutions, vows and promises" are just empty wishes unless goal-setting principles are consciously applied and reinforced with practice of new behaviors, although practicing new behaviors may sometimes feel like a stretch, a step outside of one's comfort zone. I firmly believe that unless one feel a bit nervous with new behaviors, exploring new psychological territory, one is stagnant and not really growing as a person.  

        

        Learn to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and step outside your usual patterns. Be unreasonable to your rational mind. Then enjoy watching  as magical changes in your life and business begin to unfold.

Goal-setting Problems

5 Reasons Why We Resist Setting Goals

There are multifarious reasons for goal-setting failure; however, the five most predominant ones I've observed in four decades of coaching and training leaders are the following:

1. Lack of Belief - Belief motivates behavior. Belief may stimulate or inhibit
action. We may resist setting goals because we really don't believe we're capable of stretching and growing; more so because we are conditioned by being cozy in our familiar comfort zones. What we say or think we believe is not always consistent with what we do.  We sometimes do not have "goal sincerity," real commitment to our commitment.

We may lack self-confidence, belief in ourselves. However, we may also lack belief in a cause, a job, a partner, leader or boss. To better understand your behavior, just reflect by asking yourself what a specific behavior teaches you about your core beliefs.

2. Poor Self-Image - This one is no surprise. We live in a tear-down society where put-downs and insults are considered comedy or usual office behavior. Yet for praise and compliments we hunger. We glow when we receive positive words. Low-self-esteem is the cultural norm. Subconsciously we may fear not failure but our own power, our "big" self.

Try for a moment to remember an insult you've endured.  Now try to recall a compliment.  Isn't it harder to recall positive memories?  Compared to more sublime, positive feelings, our brains have many more dopamine receptors, located in the hypothalamus, which alert us to negative feelings.

Our lower, reptilian brain, the limbic system is actually a built-in survival trigger. Negativity bias is natural. Conscious effort at thought control is required to really become a positive thinking person. Negative thinking is powerfully reinforced by the media which daily describes a world gone mad. However, I assure you that the sky is not falling.  It is our belief systems that are falling.

3. Lack of Clearly-Defined Goals - Napoleon Hill, the father of success psychology, identified lack of goal-clarity as a one of the major reasons for personal failure. The better defined a goal is, the more clearly it is communicated to the subconscious.  Once the subconscious mind accepts a goal as reality, often through repetition and reinforced by strong emotion, subconscious functions manifest, such as associating relevant ideas and creating a sensitivity to and awareness of positive opportunities in one's environment.

How does one define goals?  First, goals ought to be in writing.  Despite lack of scientific proof that writing goals down actually helps achieve them, we do know that the more senses involved in visualizing a goal, the better. Napoleon Hill described our imagination as the rehearsal hall where we can freely, creatively script all aspects of a goal, as if it were already won.  Dreaming is a form of
planning.

4. Lack of Passion - Passion, is denoted as being passive, something that arises from within, such as having a natural passion for justice, singing, writing, music, martial arts, public speaking, cooking or whatever.  Everybody has genius within them, as trend analyst Robert Kiyosaki claims, the "genie" in us.  Kiyosaki claims that our natural passions express themselves when we're in the right, supportive, nurturing environment.

So what is your passion? Remember that when goals are held as believable and energized with real emotion, goal achievement is more likely.

5. Lack of a Positive Role Model - Literally, for ages foot racing the four-minute mile was thought to be impossible, even dangerous to the human body until in 1954 Roger Bannister broke the record at 3.94 minutes. Soon thereafter 24 other runners beat that record.   Bannister attributes visualization to his absolute belief in winning, to his ultimate success. Seeing is believing and believing is seeing.

To achieve big goals hang out with positive role models, leaders, teachers, mentors who have done or are doing what you desire to do.  You are capable of much more than you think.  "Natural allies" may remind you of your greatness.
Attempt what seems "impossible" to test your limits.  Be unreasonable to your rational mind.

Whenever strong emotions are associated with a goal, progress happens fast.  To prove the point, consider the following train wreck story:

On August 2nd, 1985, a major highway reconstruction project happened super
fast following a head-on collision of two Burlington Northern trains in Westminster, Colorado along the Boulder Turnpike. The inferno was so hot that metal glowed orange for several days and could be viewed by passersby.

The train wreckage so dramatically affected daily commuter traffic that the reconstruction project, which involved removing many tons of twisted scrap metal, creating an temporary emergency bypass lane and rebuilding a ruined
overpass bridge, happened in record time. Officials aligned and agreed to first fix the traffic problem before handling administrative details, which usually would have required months of meetings, public hearings and such.


These five goal-setting failure points are major ones. Others will be discussed in the upcoming workshop January 31st in Louisville, Colorado.