SOFT GOALS

Resolutions, Vows and Promises III                                                                                  

 "Soft" Goals

      A Google search for "goal-setting" videos yields over five million entries, some of which are valid, core research from the original personal growth/success research pioneer Napoleon Hill, second-generation "philosophy of success" researchers such as Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar and Denis Waitley, and everybody else from Tony Robbins forward who's reinterpreted, repackaged and remarketed the basic message.

       However, goal-setting is only a created nominalization and not the exclusive reason for personal success.  Paul J. Meyer, business trainer and alleged "father of personal development" added to the concept the popular acronym "S.M.A.R.T." which means that goals should be "specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and tangible."  However, this acronym applies mainly to tangible business goals and not to more subtle, internal character shifts and attitude adjustments which involve a wholly, non-quantifiable different set of descriptors.

     "Soft" goals are goals that are not S.M.A.R.T. but which are less defined, less crystallized because they are actually features of personality that can be described only in terms of quality.  Only through one's sense of subjective reality, through reflection and contemplation, can one  determine if they've really improved who they are on a character level; i.e., become more virtuous, as in "more patient, more flexible, more open-minded," etc.

           

     A "soft" goal may be to become less hypercritical, less self-judgmental or less malcontent and complaining.  Soft goals are felt via internal feelings, and are not necessarily evidenced by observations of visible measurement.  Soft goals cannot be "managed" and therefore cannot be measured but instead are the progressive fulfillment of gradual attitude and behavior changes that are reinforced by self-talk, creative visualization and strong emotional anchors.  Top salespersons have known this pre-approach trick for decades, of mentally practicing the night before a sales presentation meeting certain behaviors, in what Napoleon Hill referred to as the "dress rehearsal theatre" of the mind.

            

     If traditional measurement and tracking tactics do not apply, how exactly then does one make progress with soft goals?  After being admonished by a friend for his personality flaws, Benjamin Franklin set to improve himself by consciously focusing on specific qualities. He sought to improve by keeping thirteen virtues in mind, meditating daily, for several weeks, on each one, in sequence, until he witnessed proof of changed behavior.  

            

     Thanks to the ground-breaking work of Maxwell Maltz, the "father of self-image psychology," we now know that one's verbally affirming new behavior for at least twenty-one days implants new "truth" messages in the subconscious which then play back as reformed behavior.  This is why most smoking cessation or weight-loss programs stress the 30-day principle.  Recovery and reformation happens.

           

         Franklin created a self-improvement "meetup" group called the Leather Apron Club which met in homes or taverns where he and his mates imbibed alcohol and smoked mother nature. Therefore, it's no wonder that the first virtue on his list of thirteen virtues to develop  was "temperance."

            

           “Virtue” sometimes has soft, effeminate connotations. Originally, the word “virtue” was connected to what's meant to be a real man. The word comes from the Latin virtus, which is derived from vir, Latin for “manliness."

            If you seek to become more virtuous, first consider observing positive role models.  It's hard to believe in something that's not first witnessed in another who serves as positive example.  Secondly, ask someone close to you whose opinion you respect and trust for an honest evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses or join a mutually evaluative society such as Toastmasters International, an organization famous for personal growth education and training and which has globally produced many leaders for over ninety years.

         "DiSC," a famous management self-analysis training tool, founded on the work of William Moulton Marsten, scientifically assesses personal strengths and weaknesses and has helped tens of millions to improve their interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.  It's available under the "Resources" tab at www.FrankDominicis.com. Lastly, commit to the meditation practice that Ben Franklin did to change himself, which surely contributed to his global popularity in many different settings in Europe and the a new country called America.

          To summarize, when setting new goals, just remember to include both hard and soft goals.  Remember that "resolutions, vows and promises" are just empty wishes unless goal-setting principles are consciously applied and reinforced with practice of new behaviors, although practicing new behaviors may sometimes feel like a stretch, a step outside of one's comfort zone. I firmly believe that unless one feel a bit nervous with new behaviors, exploring new psychological territory, one is stagnant and not really growing as a person.  

        

        Learn to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and step outside your usual patterns. Be unreasonable to your rational mind. Then enjoy watching  as magical changes in your life and business begin to unfold.